How To Get Your Toddler To Behave…haha! Yeah, Right.


What dream world do you live in if you think that’s even remotely possible? If you’ve spent any time with a toddler you know they can be a handful. I think it is safe to say my daughter has officially entered the “terrible twos” phase.
She has one volume (screaming), one speed (running) and one desire (whatever someone else has). I wish I had some sort of cure-all method for ending a tantrum before it’s even began but we don’t live in a fairytale world where cheese doesn’t make you fat and where the skies rain money every Monday. I have however compiled a list of ways your can spend your day tiptoeing around your toddler like the ticking time-bomb she is in hopes to not set her off. So at the risk of sounding like I’m complaining about my children (because I would NEVER do that!) here goes:

  1. Always acknowledge their gibberish; you don’t have to understand the “words” it’s all in the TONE.
  2. Accept the fact that their unicorn stuffy is purple, even if it is in fact pink.
  3. Don’t even think about closing the door to the washroom when the need strikes. Actually, don’t even try leaving the room without them in tow.
  4. Eat the good snacks in hiding; the pantry works well for this.
  5. Lie to them; no we don’t have any juice, no you ate all the cookies, no the neighbours’ kids are sleeping, we will do that tomorrow, no mom’s food is yucky and too hot for you.
  6. Tell them Dad is more fun to crawl all over, but it won’t make any difference.
  7. Need a shower? You have 3 options: a. Bring them in the shower with you,
    b. Shower while they scream and stare at you, or c. Dry shampoo and extra deodorant it is!
  8. Invite your friends and their kids over to play, we’re all in the same boat right? Misery loves company! Just beware…if the toddlers start whispering in the corner, chances are they’re plotting a team-tantrum on your poor unsuspecting souls.
  9. Don’t even think about putting away any of the toys they’ve carelessly strewn all over the house. They clearly put it in the middle of the kitchen floor for a reason you know!
  10. Allow them to attempt wiping their face, eating their yogurt, getting dressed, going potty, washing their hair, etc etc etc for a long and painful-to-watch minute before strong-arming them and doing it for them.

Ok that was fun. But who are we kidding, there is no magic method to survive the terrible twos. Keep your focus on how sweet they are and wonder what they’ll become when they grow up. Plan little breaks for yourself with and without the kids to break up the long days. You don’t have to plan every day like it’s a field trip, spending the day watching movies in your pyjamas with the kids are some of the best days. You know what to do!

Definitely needed a bath after this

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